We just landed in Tampa. Still on the plane. Although we have not slept in 24 hours, we are doing well and ready to be home. We have much to be thankful for. We have three amazing children and incredible friends and family. We feel completely blessed. Thank you all for your support and prayer. We are so very thankful for you all. God has richly blessed us in every imaginable way.
Honored to be used by our wonderful, merciful, loving God and Savior, even if we don't yet understand it.
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Traveling to paris
4:00am came very early this morning. Valerie was up as she had not really slept. I got about 3 hours of sleep, but awoke with a sore jaw from clenching my teeth presumably for three hours. We both awoke without an alarm. We had everything arranged to leave. A ride to the airport, arrangements for a ride home from the Tampa airport, our bags packed, our flight reservations changed. We had purchased a local SIM card for about $2. While I was on the phone with delta my minutes expired. So, our very good friend David Shenning was so kind as to FaceTime with us and call delta to finish making the changes to our return flights. Thank you David. We even had arrangements for the hotel to prepare for us breakfast (a box lunch) for us to take to the airport. Every detail managed. A portable DVD player and headphones for the long flights ahead, layered clothing, chewing gum, passports, adequate cash, pillows, books, magazines, everything we needed and other things just to make the trip more manageable. We had it all together. What could go wrong?
Our driver, Sasha (Alex), they all have nicknames and multiple variations and spellings. They do not seem to be terribly particular, whereas we (Americans) get so bothered if someone mispronounces our name that we probably pronounce funny to begin with, or misspell our name even though we probably spell it wrong ourselves. He arrived early. We got everything together and made it to the airport 2 hours prior to our flight. We found the Air France ticket agent and handed them our passports to get our tickets and begin our journey. The ticket agent then informed us that I had a ticket, but Valerie did not. Well, sure we do. Here is the confirmation number, no problem. No, you have no ticket for this flight, you must contact delta. Ok. How do we do that? She says, I don't know.
There is no delta ticket agent in Kiev. So, the flight is departing in 90 minutes and I have to decide if I am going to get on the plane home and leave Valerie in the airport in Ukraine ;). So, what do we do? I texted my very good friend David Shenning to see if he was available to bail me out AGAIN at 10:00pm his time. He was very kind and gracious to call delta and pretend to be me to confirm our flights. He texts me back to say, flights are confirmed. You are good. We go back to the ticket agent and she says, no, you have no ticket in our system. You must have a ticket number for this flight or we can do nothing for you. Ok. So we text our very good friend AGAIN. He calls delta AGAIN. Sorry David, I need a ticket number. He texts me back with a ticket number. Praise God, thank you for David. So, back to the ticket agent, the rather rude ticket agents, the not so helpful, caring, or compassionate ticket agents. We are feeling more confident now with a ticket number. Here ya go. Let's get this party started now. She goes to another computer and returns to inform us that this ticket number is for a flight for Valerie from Ukraine to Tampa in May. You must call delta to have them reissue a ticket for her. We are now one hour prior to departure. And it is 11:00pm for David.
DAVID??!??!!! Please help us... AGAIN!! So, David calls delta, YET AGAIN. There is a few minutes of silence. I started to get a little anxious. Allow me to pause a moment in the story to explain something.
God is so incredible! He put Valerie and I together a LOOOONG time ago. We are different people now than we were when we met. We have both grown in many ways. But we are still different people, with different reactions at different times to different circumstances. These differences are almost always complimentary. She is calm when I am angry. She is relaxed when I am anxious. She is thankful when I am self-absorbed. She is sometimes happy that I am sad 😜.
This time, she was angry and I was calming her. Valerie had already had her fill of the rude and unhelpful Air France ticket agents. I was not thrilled either, but I was able to realize that anger would not be terribly beneficial to us at this moment. Believe it or not, I said to Valerie, "Easy Tiger." I did not even get in trouble.
I started to become anxious. I knew that David was working on it and God had it taken care of, but the clock began to tick. The Air France ticket agents became fewer and I began to worry that if and when we finally got the tickets straightened out, they would tell us that we would not be able to check our luggage through or the flight was closed. I did not express my anxiety to Valerie, but she showed me her phone to show me what she was reading at that very moment. It read, "when it's out of control, it's simply out of your control." And "God will fight your battles for you. Be still." Oh, right! Be not anxious. I think we have covered that before. Trust Me! Yes, I am sure we have covered that one several times. Why must I be reminded EVERY TIME? Ok. Got it AGAIN, thanks. Thank You for using your Word and my wife, my gift to help me. Deep, slow breaths, decrease your heart rate. This is no big deal. You're not in danger. Simply change your perspective. You are not in control, and that is good!
Then, a text. Expiration number of your credit card? $88 and two or three more texts and viola. "Yes, your ticket is ok." Thanks AGAIN David. The ticket agent even moved our seats around to seat us together on all three flights. She was sweet. Was it simply our perspective???
We went through security and seated at the gate 10 minutes prior to commencement of boarding. I asked Valerie, and I will accurately quote my question and her response to give you the flavor. "How is it possible to buy a ticket for an international flight, at the gate one hour before takeoff and be early for the flight?" Her one word response, "God". That is sort of the theme here, huh?
Our driver, Sasha (Alex), they all have nicknames and multiple variations and spellings. They do not seem to be terribly particular, whereas we (Americans) get so bothered if someone mispronounces our name that we probably pronounce funny to begin with, or misspell our name even though we probably spell it wrong ourselves. He arrived early. We got everything together and made it to the airport 2 hours prior to our flight. We found the Air France ticket agent and handed them our passports to get our tickets and begin our journey. The ticket agent then informed us that I had a ticket, but Valerie did not. Well, sure we do. Here is the confirmation number, no problem. No, you have no ticket for this flight, you must contact delta. Ok. How do we do that? She says, I don't know.
There is no delta ticket agent in Kiev. So, the flight is departing in 90 minutes and I have to decide if I am going to get on the plane home and leave Valerie in the airport in Ukraine ;). So, what do we do? I texted my very good friend David Shenning to see if he was available to bail me out AGAIN at 10:00pm his time. He was very kind and gracious to call delta and pretend to be me to confirm our flights. He texts me back to say, flights are confirmed. You are good. We go back to the ticket agent and she says, no, you have no ticket in our system. You must have a ticket number for this flight or we can do nothing for you. Ok. So we text our very good friend AGAIN. He calls delta AGAIN. Sorry David, I need a ticket number. He texts me back with a ticket number. Praise God, thank you for David. So, back to the ticket agent, the rather rude ticket agents, the not so helpful, caring, or compassionate ticket agents. We are feeling more confident now with a ticket number. Here ya go. Let's get this party started now. She goes to another computer and returns to inform us that this ticket number is for a flight for Valerie from Ukraine to Tampa in May. You must call delta to have them reissue a ticket for her. We are now one hour prior to departure. And it is 11:00pm for David.
DAVID??!??!!! Please help us... AGAIN!! So, David calls delta, YET AGAIN. There is a few minutes of silence. I started to get a little anxious. Allow me to pause a moment in the story to explain something.
God is so incredible! He put Valerie and I together a LOOOONG time ago. We are different people now than we were when we met. We have both grown in many ways. But we are still different people, with different reactions at different times to different circumstances. These differences are almost always complimentary. She is calm when I am angry. She is relaxed when I am anxious. She is thankful when I am self-absorbed. She is sometimes happy that I am sad 😜.
This time, she was angry and I was calming her. Valerie had already had her fill of the rude and unhelpful Air France ticket agents. I was not thrilled either, but I was able to realize that anger would not be terribly beneficial to us at this moment. Believe it or not, I said to Valerie, "Easy Tiger." I did not even get in trouble.
I started to become anxious. I knew that David was working on it and God had it taken care of, but the clock began to tick. The Air France ticket agents became fewer and I began to worry that if and when we finally got the tickets straightened out, they would tell us that we would not be able to check our luggage through or the flight was closed. I did not express my anxiety to Valerie, but she showed me her phone to show me what she was reading at that very moment. It read, "when it's out of control, it's simply out of your control." And "God will fight your battles for you. Be still." Oh, right! Be not anxious. I think we have covered that before. Trust Me! Yes, I am sure we have covered that one several times. Why must I be reminded EVERY TIME? Ok. Got it AGAIN, thanks. Thank You for using your Word and my wife, my gift to help me. Deep, slow breaths, decrease your heart rate. This is no big deal. You're not in danger. Simply change your perspective. You are not in control, and that is good!
Then, a text. Expiration number of your credit card? $88 and two or three more texts and viola. "Yes, your ticket is ok." Thanks AGAIN David. The ticket agent even moved our seats around to seat us together on all three flights. She was sweet. Was it simply our perspective???
We went through security and seated at the gate 10 minutes prior to commencement of boarding. I asked Valerie, and I will accurately quote my question and her response to give you the flavor. "How is it possible to buy a ticket for an international flight, at the gate one hour before takeoff and be early for the flight?" Her one word response, "God". That is sort of the theme here, huh?
Saturday, March 12, 2016
BROKEN
Broken. That is what I am. Broken.
Such a hard decision. One I will never forget. After wrestling through the night, calling out in prayer and reading His word, a decision was made. It was not a crystal clear decision, as other times in my life where I really felt God "speaking" to me. It was a free will decision.
Free Will. A blessing and a curse (I know, really just a blessing, but today it felt like a curse). I wanted so much a clear direction from God. Writing in the sky would have been nice. Was I not quiet enough? Did He give me direction and I missed it? Was this His direction all along? Many questions. So, based on the information we had, after much prayer and petition, we made a decision.
After taking what seemed to be forever to make a decision, we made the call to our interpreter/advocate to let him know. He then called the Social Worker and the blur of time began. Within half and hour we were in her office picking up the two pieces of paper required to officially stop this "referral". Climbing the stairs to her office I was right on the edge of losing it. In English the Social Worker (Little Red Riding Hood) said to me. "I'm sorry". That did it - the tears began. I pulled myself together enough to get back in the cab to take us back to the hotel to pack. As I get in the cab the driver has a nice "techno beat" going. Just weird. Such a life decision and I'm listening to a techno beat - not the soundtrack you would imagine. We get back to the hotel and pack a bag of "treats" that we had brought with us (thanks to all who supplied them!!) and fresh fruit, candy and cookies that we had purchased at a local market (they rarely get fresh fruit) to take to the orphanage. I knew I wanted them to have the treats but also knew it was going to be a hard walk back, knowing that we had decided not to take Vika. How would they respond? How could I even explain? God's Grace, Love and Mercy were clearly seen - just as they have been this entire week. His love for me is astounding.
On a side note, one of the things I was trying to figure out before we left to come to the Ukraine had been how to dry my hair. I'm not really vain, but leaving the house with a wet head in 40-50 degree weather wasn't appealing to me. Our translator/advocate had let us know not to bring adaptors from the US as they would blow whatever we were trying to plug in. Hmmm. Guess I'll try to find a hair dryer in the Ukraine - who knows where! Would you know that EVERY place we have stayed has had a hair dryer!! Even the apartment that we rented. This is not normal. His love - down to the minute detail. Astounding love.
Back to the "story". As Jeff and I walked down these muddy roads our talks, as Jeff shared earlier, were cyclical. We passed by small stone homes where men and women were outside raking the mud to plant the first seeds of Spring. Dogs were roaming. Normal life for these people. We were "new" on their dirt road, but they just glanced and went about their lives. We entered the gates of the orphanage and went to the building that housed Vika and knocked. No one answered, even after about the third round of knocking. I mentioned to Jeff (because I am a sinner and was looking for an easy way out) that we should leave the bag at the door and they will find it. Not acceptable. God had better things planned. Jeff looked in a window, caught someones attention and they came around to meet us. They originally thought we were there to visit with Vika again so, as one answered the door another had gone back to get her dressed. As we were explaining that we had made a decision not to bring her home with us, here Vika comes with another care worker and I got to have my last glance at this child that was made by God. A smile on her face and full of love. She was quickly shuffled away as we continued to talk to these women who care for these precious children on a daily basis. They exuded His Grace, Love and Mercy - once again, they tried to comfort me!! Astounding.
I don't think I will ever know the why's of this journey. Nothing was "as imagined". There was much that was simply, not the "truth", that we expected. But it is not my truth or others that I'm running after, it is His. His perfect Truth. His perfect plan. I find peace knowing His plans can not be thwarted. They are perfect. Always have been always will be.
Thank you ALL for your prayers that have carried us through this journey. The body of His church is alive and well, it is clearly and perfectly displayed in each one of you. You all are a blessing to me.
Lord, help put me back together any way you see fit. I praise you for who you are, and who I am not.
Such a hard decision. One I will never forget. After wrestling through the night, calling out in prayer and reading His word, a decision was made. It was not a crystal clear decision, as other times in my life where I really felt God "speaking" to me. It was a free will decision.
Free Will. A blessing and a curse (I know, really just a blessing, but today it felt like a curse). I wanted so much a clear direction from God. Writing in the sky would have been nice. Was I not quiet enough? Did He give me direction and I missed it? Was this His direction all along? Many questions. So, based on the information we had, after much prayer and petition, we made a decision.
After taking what seemed to be forever to make a decision, we made the call to our interpreter/advocate to let him know. He then called the Social Worker and the blur of time began. Within half and hour we were in her office picking up the two pieces of paper required to officially stop this "referral". Climbing the stairs to her office I was right on the edge of losing it. In English the Social Worker (Little Red Riding Hood) said to me. "I'm sorry". That did it - the tears began. I pulled myself together enough to get back in the cab to take us back to the hotel to pack. As I get in the cab the driver has a nice "techno beat" going. Just weird. Such a life decision and I'm listening to a techno beat - not the soundtrack you would imagine. We get back to the hotel and pack a bag of "treats" that we had brought with us (thanks to all who supplied them!!) and fresh fruit, candy and cookies that we had purchased at a local market (they rarely get fresh fruit) to take to the orphanage. I knew I wanted them to have the treats but also knew it was going to be a hard walk back, knowing that we had decided not to take Vika. How would they respond? How could I even explain? God's Grace, Love and Mercy were clearly seen - just as they have been this entire week. His love for me is astounding.
On a side note, one of the things I was trying to figure out before we left to come to the Ukraine had been how to dry my hair. I'm not really vain, but leaving the house with a wet head in 40-50 degree weather wasn't appealing to me. Our translator/advocate had let us know not to bring adaptors from the US as they would blow whatever we were trying to plug in. Hmmm. Guess I'll try to find a hair dryer in the Ukraine - who knows where! Would you know that EVERY place we have stayed has had a hair dryer!! Even the apartment that we rented. This is not normal. His love - down to the minute detail. Astounding love.
Back to the "story". As Jeff and I walked down these muddy roads our talks, as Jeff shared earlier, were cyclical. We passed by small stone homes where men and women were outside raking the mud to plant the first seeds of Spring. Dogs were roaming. Normal life for these people. We were "new" on their dirt road, but they just glanced and went about their lives. We entered the gates of the orphanage and went to the building that housed Vika and knocked. No one answered, even after about the third round of knocking. I mentioned to Jeff (because I am a sinner and was looking for an easy way out) that we should leave the bag at the door and they will find it. Not acceptable. God had better things planned. Jeff looked in a window, caught someones attention and they came around to meet us. They originally thought we were there to visit with Vika again so, as one answered the door another had gone back to get her dressed. As we were explaining that we had made a decision not to bring her home with us, here Vika comes with another care worker and I got to have my last glance at this child that was made by God. A smile on her face and full of love. She was quickly shuffled away as we continued to talk to these women who care for these precious children on a daily basis. They exuded His Grace, Love and Mercy - once again, they tried to comfort me!! Astounding.
I don't think I will ever know the why's of this journey. Nothing was "as imagined". There was much that was simply, not the "truth", that we expected. But it is not my truth or others that I'm running after, it is His. His perfect Truth. His perfect plan. I find peace knowing His plans can not be thwarted. They are perfect. Always have been always will be.
Thank you ALL for your prayers that have carried us through this journey. The body of His church is alive and well, it is clearly and perfectly displayed in each one of you. You all are a blessing to me.
Lord, help put me back together any way you see fit. I praise you for who you are, and who I am not.
Coming home
We are back in Kiev in a hotel. We have a flight leaving tomorrow (Sunday) at 7:00am. It is now 6:00pm on Saturday. We will be in around 9:00pm Sunday. This is not a fun process. It is full of bureaucratic red tape. I am not sure that I ever explained it and some of you are probably wondering what's the deal. So here's the deal.
Ukraine does not allow adoptive parents to meet and choose children prior to the approval of the dossier. To complete the dossier one must get all of the tests and documents and signatures and notaries and "stuff". In the "stuff" is a home study. The home study, the international home study (different than the domestic home study) tells all about our lives, from our home's square footage to our income data to the number and type of children you are willing to accept. This portion must be very specific. Which medical conditions are acceptable to you, which will you not accept. How old, what gender. I felt like I was shopping from a catalogue. This must be sent to our government to have it apostiled, which basically means notarized by our government, the it must be sent to Ukraine to be translated and then they notarized it in their country's version of apostile. After that is all approved by our government and their government, the Ukrainian government issues an appointment to the prospective adoptive family. The appointment is for a specific date and time. The prospective family will then need to get on a plane and go to the appointment. We have not seen any child at this point. The only information that we have about the child is what was laid out in the home study which is approved by our immigration services. For the record, when we filled out the home study we indicated a desire to have one child, a girl age 3-8 and we would be willing to take a second child boy or girl, sibling or not. When we got to the appointment, in Ukraine, we noticed that we had been approved for 1-2 children ages 0-6. As I mentioned before, that left us with a window of only one year to chose from, as we also found out that they do not allow for international adoption under the age of 5.
So, at the appointment in Ukraine the prospective adopting parents look through the photos and histories of the "available" children that meet their criteria. Then they make a choice. After they make a choice of a child to visit, they are given a referral. We were given a choice of one child only as the "available" children did not have siblings or the sibling was not available. So, we made our choice to visit this child and received our referral (the referral is for that child only and you can only have one per dossier). At that point, the prospective adopting parents have 10 days to decide yes or no. If yes, then more bureaucratic red tape to go through with the adoption. If no, then you have a choice of:
1. give up and go home
2. get another appointment in about 1 week to look through the same binders or at least you can look through the binders for children that are "available" that day. Maybe there are some different ones, maybe not.
3. go home, redo the paperwork using a different set of criteria, get approved by all the governmental agencies and get another appointment and try again.
So, we have decided to come home and make a decision about whether or not we redo the paperwork and whether or not we come back to Ukraine. We do not see any benefit in staying here for another week waiting for another appointment only to look through the same binders, and have to make the same types of choices. My heart muscle may not be able to handle that much stress on it in that short a time frame.
BTW, we have had one referral. They will only give you three maximum, no matter what way you choose.
We have some options if we decide to do it again. Things we were not aware of. Ways to make the process easier for us, but still leave God in control. IF we were to do it again, we would be better prepared in many different ways.
Why did God have us come to Ukraine at this time to meet Vika (this is the name our facilitator used for her. I believe it is a common nickname.)? Why did He not press us to take her home? We may never know, but I DO know that He is in charge and He wanted us to go through this. I pray that I will become more like Jesus as a result. Thank you Lord for growing me, even though growing pains are painful.
Ukraine does not allow adoptive parents to meet and choose children prior to the approval of the dossier. To complete the dossier one must get all of the tests and documents and signatures and notaries and "stuff". In the "stuff" is a home study. The home study, the international home study (different than the domestic home study) tells all about our lives, from our home's square footage to our income data to the number and type of children you are willing to accept. This portion must be very specific. Which medical conditions are acceptable to you, which will you not accept. How old, what gender. I felt like I was shopping from a catalogue. This must be sent to our government to have it apostiled, which basically means notarized by our government, the it must be sent to Ukraine to be translated and then they notarized it in their country's version of apostile. After that is all approved by our government and their government, the Ukrainian government issues an appointment to the prospective adoptive family. The appointment is for a specific date and time. The prospective family will then need to get on a plane and go to the appointment. We have not seen any child at this point. The only information that we have about the child is what was laid out in the home study which is approved by our immigration services. For the record, when we filled out the home study we indicated a desire to have one child, a girl age 3-8 and we would be willing to take a second child boy or girl, sibling or not. When we got to the appointment, in Ukraine, we noticed that we had been approved for 1-2 children ages 0-6. As I mentioned before, that left us with a window of only one year to chose from, as we also found out that they do not allow for international adoption under the age of 5.
So, at the appointment in Ukraine the prospective adopting parents look through the photos and histories of the "available" children that meet their criteria. Then they make a choice. After they make a choice of a child to visit, they are given a referral. We were given a choice of one child only as the "available" children did not have siblings or the sibling was not available. So, we made our choice to visit this child and received our referral (the referral is for that child only and you can only have one per dossier). At that point, the prospective adopting parents have 10 days to decide yes or no. If yes, then more bureaucratic red tape to go through with the adoption. If no, then you have a choice of:
1. give up and go home
2. get another appointment in about 1 week to look through the same binders or at least you can look through the binders for children that are "available" that day. Maybe there are some different ones, maybe not.
3. go home, redo the paperwork using a different set of criteria, get approved by all the governmental agencies and get another appointment and try again.
So, we have decided to come home and make a decision about whether or not we redo the paperwork and whether or not we come back to Ukraine. We do not see any benefit in staying here for another week waiting for another appointment only to look through the same binders, and have to make the same types of choices. My heart muscle may not be able to handle that much stress on it in that short a time frame.
BTW, we have had one referral. They will only give you three maximum, no matter what way you choose.
We have some options if we decide to do it again. Things we were not aware of. Ways to make the process easier for us, but still leave God in control. IF we were to do it again, we would be better prepared in many different ways.
Why did God have us come to Ukraine at this time to meet Vika (this is the name our facilitator used for her. I believe it is a common nickname.)? Why did He not press us to take her home? We may never know, but I DO know that He is in charge and He wanted us to go through this. I pray that I will become more like Jesus as a result. Thank you Lord for growing me, even though growing pains are painful.
Circles
The circle has no end. Once you begin to travel in a circle, you travel freely from one end to the other until you get dizzy. This is the best analogy that I can come up with to explain our thoughts. We are currently dizzy because are thought pattern is completely cyclical. Is she the right child for our family? Wouldn't God want us to help her? Are we being totally selfish? Do we feel called to take her home? Are there any signs one way or the other? Surely He would give us a sign? Would God use guilt as a motivator? She is a happy child right now where she is. Would she be happier with us than with her "normal"? Are we equipped to care for her? Would God equip us to care for her? Is He calling us to step out in faith and allow Him to work through us somehow? Are we denying God's blessings because we are selfish? If God chose her for us and us for her, would there not be clarity? Have we chosen to ignore the signs because we are afraid? Would God not help us with the difficulties? Why this country? Why this city? Why this orphanage? Why this girl? Why us? Why? And at the same time why not? There must be a right answer... Right? Is it possible to go against God without knowing what He wants? What if we said yes to this child and it was not God's will? Is that possible? Would we then be punished because we did not follow His will? Or "simply" miss some blessings? She is one child. There are so many. Some are healthy, some are not. Some are younger, some are older. Some are male some are female. Some are foreign. Some are domestic. Can we save them all? Could we save them all? Would we even "save" one? We have only "known" this girl for 1.5 hours. What is her quality of life with or without us? What is our quality of life with or without her? Have we fallen in love with her? Would we fall in love with her? Is there another child or children that we would fall for instantly? Would there be a sign? If we say yes, are we filled with Peace and Love? If we say no, are we happy, content, filled with Peace that we made the right decision? If we choose no, and go home will God break our hearts for her? Would God call us to go back and get her? Would we listen? Would we go back to our comfortable little lives and forget her? Is that wrong? Is that right? Is that left or up or down? Are we only struggling because we are trying to control our lives and this situation? As I mentioned, yesterday or this morning, I don't know. If we just don't know, should we be forced to make a decision? Is not making a decision wrong? Disobedient? Sinful? Prideful? Why am I crying? Stop it! Please???
Many tears have been shed today. We said no to this sweet little girl. God help us. Viktoria is fine. She was still smiling. We are still crying. Will we get our smiles back? Is that wrong? The circle has no end.
Many tears have been shed today. We said no to this sweet little girl. God help us. Viktoria is fine. She was still smiling. We are still crying. Will we get our smiles back? Is that wrong? The circle has no end.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Random thoughts or You are so selfish
I basically rolled over and over and over again last night for about 4 hours. Sleep is for sissies. I suppose I can sleep when I am dead. Valerie read to me from her devotional last night. How and why is God's Word so poignant and timely?
Walk by faith not by sight as you take steps of faith depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you my Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That's why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to me you can accomplish My purposes and My strength.
AND
We are often empowered to do far more than we exercise.
AND
Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you, He will never leave you. Deuteronomy 31:6,8
I really do not even want to type out the devotional that she just read to me this morning. In short, Trust and obey... Trust, Trust, Trust!!!
How is it possible to articulate the thoughts that stir in your brain? I am not sure I can adequately articulate my thoughts and feelings, and I certainly do not think that I can articulate thoughts for both of us. Would it ever be possible for me to explain to you what Valerie is thinking? I am sure there are men everywhere that would be interested in that secret... that is, to know what women are thinking. Then on another side of this discussion, would I REALLY want any of you to KNOW what I was REALLY thinking. I am attempting to be vulnerable and transparent and be a vessel for God's Love, but it is contrary to my nature, I do believe.
So, here are the random thoughts:
I think she has cerebral palsy. My scientific, doctor side then looks at research to determine what that will mean for her and what that will mean for us (Valerie, Keeley, Noble, Levi and I AND all of our friends and family). What is the required care? Is it long-term, continuous care, or would she ever be self-sustaining? Is that even an appropriate goal? How many surgeries? What is the quality of life for her at home with treatment? What is the quality of life for her if we leave her here? Are we being selfish by even considering leaving her here? But then are we being selfless if we decide to take her home? Valerie just asked me, and I am really quoting, "Would Jesus really say to leave her here?" My answer was, and this will sum up my feelings and give you some insight to what is behind these random thoughts, "I don't know." My spiritual side begins to think about how she might flourish in a better environment. Is that true or am I simply egotistical and egocentric enough to believe that I/we are somehow "better" for her or anyone? Why would God lead us all the way out here to a foreign land and introduce us to this precious child and then ask us to leave her here. Is it a test of obedience? A test of faith? Are we wandering through the desert? I am reminded of a story you all have likely heard. The paraphrased, short version. A man was asked by God to get up and push on a rock. Day after day the man got up and pushed on the rock all day long. After some months, the man became discouraged as the rock was not moving, so he petitioned God suggesting this was pointless, the rock was not moving and he was pushing with all of his might for hours and days and having no result. God responded to him, "I did not ask you to move the rock, only to push on it. I can move the rock easily on my own, I do not need you to move it." P.U.S.H. -- Pray Until Something Happens.
Have we been asked to push on a rock?
Is long-term care of a special needs child pushing on a rock?
If most of this has not been offensive so far, hang-on, there is still time to offend you. We felt called to adopt a child. We did not feel called to adopt a special needs child. You are so selfish. My life is a good one. We have been richly blessed. Am I fighting God's will because I am selfish? Am I afraid that this will disrupt our perfect little life? Is my cute little white picket fence in danger of becoming tarnished? Is that scary? Back and forth. People talk about signs. Valerie has mentioned that she has been looking for a sign, a glowing page or a rainbow. I had thoughts of a ray of sunshine beaming down upon a child illuminating that one child above the others.
True story... On one of my trips to Nicaragua I was working in the tiny little cinderblock makeshift dental clinic with my lightbulb connected to the extension chord. I had been working all day for three or fours days -- twelve hour days with one, maybe two breaks. Patient after patient, extracted tooth after extracted tooth. We would line up people and get four or five of them all numbed up and then take one after the other. I had had a couple of emotionally tough days. People spitting blood on my shoes, not appearing appreciative, etc... One of the ladies who was a nurse, but was helping the dentists, said that we should be evangelizing more. We kind of felt like there was not much time to evangelize and talking with these people while they are all numb and spit and blood etc. would really be kind of difficult... besides evangelism has never really been my strong suit. But one lady, Esperanza was my next patient. Esperanza apparently means hope in Spanish. Esperanza asked me why I was here. I told her that I was here to help her. She said she understood, but why would I come all of this way to help her and why were we all here and happy to be here? Why would we do this? I explained to her about the love of Jesus and that He has called us to show others His love. She said she wanted that. So, we (the ten or so of the volunteers in this dark little room) gathered around Esperanza and held hands encircling her and prayed with and for her. She accepted Jesus as her Savior that day. At the very moment that she made that decision, a ray of sunshine shone through the only opening of this tiny room, the small little door that I had to duck to get in without banging my head. It shone down directly on Esperanza's legs and feet in between the two people holding hands in front of her. THAT was a sign.
I see no signs. I hear no voices. I am having no visions. Does that mean I am not paying attention or I am ignoring the signs? Are my filters to small, too tight, too narrow? In short, "I don't know!"
Walk by faith not by sight as you take steps of faith depending on Me, I will show you how much I can do for you. If you live your life too safely you will never know the thrill of seeing Me work through you. When I gave you my Spirit, I empowered you to live beyond your natural ability and strength. That's why it is so wrong to measure your energy level against the challenges ahead of you. The issue is not your strength but Mine, which is limitless. By walking close to me you can accomplish My purposes and My strength.
AND
We are often empowered to do far more than we exercise.
AND
Be strong and courageous, Do not be terrified, for the Lord your God goes with you. He will never leave you or forsake you. The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you, He will never leave you. Deuteronomy 31:6,8
I really do not even want to type out the devotional that she just read to me this morning. In short, Trust and obey... Trust, Trust, Trust!!!
How is it possible to articulate the thoughts that stir in your brain? I am not sure I can adequately articulate my thoughts and feelings, and I certainly do not think that I can articulate thoughts for both of us. Would it ever be possible for me to explain to you what Valerie is thinking? I am sure there are men everywhere that would be interested in that secret... that is, to know what women are thinking. Then on another side of this discussion, would I REALLY want any of you to KNOW what I was REALLY thinking. I am attempting to be vulnerable and transparent and be a vessel for God's Love, but it is contrary to my nature, I do believe.
So, here are the random thoughts:
I think she has cerebral palsy. My scientific, doctor side then looks at research to determine what that will mean for her and what that will mean for us (Valerie, Keeley, Noble, Levi and I AND all of our friends and family). What is the required care? Is it long-term, continuous care, or would she ever be self-sustaining? Is that even an appropriate goal? How many surgeries? What is the quality of life for her at home with treatment? What is the quality of life for her if we leave her here? Are we being selfish by even considering leaving her here? But then are we being selfless if we decide to take her home? Valerie just asked me, and I am really quoting, "Would Jesus really say to leave her here?" My answer was, and this will sum up my feelings and give you some insight to what is behind these random thoughts, "I don't know." My spiritual side begins to think about how she might flourish in a better environment. Is that true or am I simply egotistical and egocentric enough to believe that I/we are somehow "better" for her or anyone? Why would God lead us all the way out here to a foreign land and introduce us to this precious child and then ask us to leave her here. Is it a test of obedience? A test of faith? Are we wandering through the desert? I am reminded of a story you all have likely heard. The paraphrased, short version. A man was asked by God to get up and push on a rock. Day after day the man got up and pushed on the rock all day long. After some months, the man became discouraged as the rock was not moving, so he petitioned God suggesting this was pointless, the rock was not moving and he was pushing with all of his might for hours and days and having no result. God responded to him, "I did not ask you to move the rock, only to push on it. I can move the rock easily on my own, I do not need you to move it." P.U.S.H. -- Pray Until Something Happens.
Have we been asked to push on a rock?
Is long-term care of a special needs child pushing on a rock?
If most of this has not been offensive so far, hang-on, there is still time to offend you. We felt called to adopt a child. We did not feel called to adopt a special needs child. You are so selfish. My life is a good one. We have been richly blessed. Am I fighting God's will because I am selfish? Am I afraid that this will disrupt our perfect little life? Is my cute little white picket fence in danger of becoming tarnished? Is that scary? Back and forth. People talk about signs. Valerie has mentioned that she has been looking for a sign, a glowing page or a rainbow. I had thoughts of a ray of sunshine beaming down upon a child illuminating that one child above the others.
True story... On one of my trips to Nicaragua I was working in the tiny little cinderblock makeshift dental clinic with my lightbulb connected to the extension chord. I had been working all day for three or fours days -- twelve hour days with one, maybe two breaks. Patient after patient, extracted tooth after extracted tooth. We would line up people and get four or five of them all numbed up and then take one after the other. I had had a couple of emotionally tough days. People spitting blood on my shoes, not appearing appreciative, etc... One of the ladies who was a nurse, but was helping the dentists, said that we should be evangelizing more. We kind of felt like there was not much time to evangelize and talking with these people while they are all numb and spit and blood etc. would really be kind of difficult... besides evangelism has never really been my strong suit. But one lady, Esperanza was my next patient. Esperanza apparently means hope in Spanish. Esperanza asked me why I was here. I told her that I was here to help her. She said she understood, but why would I come all of this way to help her and why were we all here and happy to be here? Why would we do this? I explained to her about the love of Jesus and that He has called us to show others His love. She said she wanted that. So, we (the ten or so of the volunteers in this dark little room) gathered around Esperanza and held hands encircling her and prayed with and for her. She accepted Jesus as her Savior that day. At the very moment that she made that decision, a ray of sunshine shone through the only opening of this tiny room, the small little door that I had to duck to get in without banging my head. It shone down directly on Esperanza's legs and feet in between the two people holding hands in front of her. THAT was a sign.
I see no signs. I hear no voices. I am having no visions. Does that mean I am not paying attention or I am ignoring the signs? Are my filters to small, too tight, too narrow? In short, "I don't know!"
Pics and video? (maybe) of our first visit
Please let me know if you can see the video.
OK, so apparently the video is not going to work properly. I will do my best to "paint a picture".
At and after our first meeting, I was so encouraged. I was completely focused on looking at and for the things I was prepared to see. I was looking for inability to perceive and display emotion -- total crock. I was looking for shades of autism. I'm no physician, but I did not see them. I was looking for signs of sensory difficulties.-- none. I was looking for a myriad of symptoms associated with fetal alcohol syndrome. I was looking for behavioral problems, psychological problems. I did not see any of them. We expected to see some developmental delays as these kids are not held and loved and touched from an early age. They are placed in the cribs with a bottle, and sent out to play on their own. We expected to see a speech deficiency. We were told that she did not make any sounds. We were told that she could not pick up things and she would not take something like a toy from our hands, only if we put it in her palm. She smiled. She laughed. She giggled. She took a tiny plastic frog that Valerie had brought for her out of Valerie's hand with her fingers. She was alert and aware and playful. I had prayed exactly for that. I had prayed that all of those diagnoses be wrong. I realized that she did not speak and may never speak, but I prayed for no brain damage, tumors, things that might diminish her quality of life. I was so encouraged. She was happy and sweet and obedient, not shy or aggressive or defiant. She waved bye bye to us and gave us a hug. I felt like even if she never spoke, she could learn sign language and communicate and be self-sufficient and live a happy life.
I felt like there was a possible explanation for some of the symptoms we noticed. She clearly has some airway issues. She cannot breath efficiently through her nose. She seemed to have a fever and some nasal drainage. She was clearly a chronic mouth breather. She is missing her two front teeth and it is quite a bit early for that... particularly if she is delayed in physical development. Probably they protruded and interfered with lip closure and were taken out. So, she sits with her mouth open. Drools regularly. she has learned to wipe with a tissue, often (she even wiped my arm with her tissue as she realized that she had drooled on me). I thought that maybe she had a minor upper respiratory infection. Probably a chronic one. Would it be possible to clean up the infection, clear the airway, love and encourage, pray, lather, rinse, repeat and God would give her a voice? ****Please do not mistake that as a lack of faith **** I AM CERTAIN GOD COULD HEAL HER COMPLETELY TODAY!
During our second meeting today, we went into her room as they were putting on her coat. We brought bananas for all nine of her immediate classmates. She recognized me immediately and her face totally lit up with a huge smile and she hustled to the door. She knew exactly where she was going. We walked out the door, outside to another room, through two locked doors and into a play room. A caretaker stayed there with us for about five minutes and then left the key for us and said something guttural that we took as, lock up when you are ready to leave. Another lady came about 30 min later and sat for about 5 min and said something resembling shoshy shosh bobendee falshoshy shosh and left us again with the key. We played together for a tad over an hour. She was sweet and fun. She made noises, but not speech. She motioned for us to come and to take her hand and to sit. She was communicating in her own way. She was responsive and actively played with us, repeated motions, and remembered where things were and what to do with them. She absolutely loved looking at herself in the mirror, and my phone was a huge hit. She definitely has some coordination issues and her gait is not centered and even. She started to cry for a couple of seconds in the beginning. I thought that was good. I thought she was showing appropriate emotion. This had to be weird for her - -two strange people looking and acting strange with her in a room without anyone else that she knew. I bet I would want to cry.
We took her back to her class after she finished eating her banana by herself. She had some on her hands, but she went over to Valerie who was holding the tissues in between bites and wiped her hands and face. We put her coat on her and she helped us put our coats on too. It was really cute. She knew that there was a zipper that needed to be zipped and even some buttons to fasten. We dropped her off and she hugged us and smiled a huge smile and waved dasvidaniya. We will see her tomorrow.
It all seemed so encouraging until I began to think about other causes of the symptoms. I was so encouraged that she did not have the symptoms of the things we were told she was afflicted with that I totally missed evaluating for other disease processes. Let me be clear here, I am just a dumb dentist. I am not equipped to diagnose neurological problems. It is almost midnight as I type this, and we have had an emotionally trying day. I am leaning toward a diagnosis. I think I have it figured out but I am just the dentist. Lord, God, please help us to make the decision that is right for our family and for Viktoria. Please allow us to make the right decisions for the right reasons. Amen. and good night
OK, so apparently the video is not going to work properly. I will do my best to "paint a picture".
At and after our first meeting, I was so encouraged. I was completely focused on looking at and for the things I was prepared to see. I was looking for inability to perceive and display emotion -- total crock. I was looking for shades of autism. I'm no physician, but I did not see them. I was looking for signs of sensory difficulties.-- none. I was looking for a myriad of symptoms associated with fetal alcohol syndrome. I was looking for behavioral problems, psychological problems. I did not see any of them. We expected to see some developmental delays as these kids are not held and loved and touched from an early age. They are placed in the cribs with a bottle, and sent out to play on their own. We expected to see a speech deficiency. We were told that she did not make any sounds. We were told that she could not pick up things and she would not take something like a toy from our hands, only if we put it in her palm. She smiled. She laughed. She giggled. She took a tiny plastic frog that Valerie had brought for her out of Valerie's hand with her fingers. She was alert and aware and playful. I had prayed exactly for that. I had prayed that all of those diagnoses be wrong. I realized that she did not speak and may never speak, but I prayed for no brain damage, tumors, things that might diminish her quality of life. I was so encouraged. She was happy and sweet and obedient, not shy or aggressive or defiant. She waved bye bye to us and gave us a hug. I felt like even if she never spoke, she could learn sign language and communicate and be self-sufficient and live a happy life.
I felt like there was a possible explanation for some of the symptoms we noticed. She clearly has some airway issues. She cannot breath efficiently through her nose. She seemed to have a fever and some nasal drainage. She was clearly a chronic mouth breather. She is missing her two front teeth and it is quite a bit early for that... particularly if she is delayed in physical development. Probably they protruded and interfered with lip closure and were taken out. So, she sits with her mouth open. Drools regularly. she has learned to wipe with a tissue, often (she even wiped my arm with her tissue as she realized that she had drooled on me). I thought that maybe she had a minor upper respiratory infection. Probably a chronic one. Would it be possible to clean up the infection, clear the airway, love and encourage, pray, lather, rinse, repeat and God would give her a voice? ****Please do not mistake that as a lack of faith **** I AM CERTAIN GOD COULD HEAL HER COMPLETELY TODAY!
During our second meeting today, we went into her room as they were putting on her coat. We brought bananas for all nine of her immediate classmates. She recognized me immediately and her face totally lit up with a huge smile and she hustled to the door. She knew exactly where she was going. We walked out the door, outside to another room, through two locked doors and into a play room. A caretaker stayed there with us for about five minutes and then left the key for us and said something guttural that we took as, lock up when you are ready to leave. Another lady came about 30 min later and sat for about 5 min and said something resembling shoshy shosh bobendee falshoshy shosh and left us again with the key. We played together for a tad over an hour. She was sweet and fun. She made noises, but not speech. She motioned for us to come and to take her hand and to sit. She was communicating in her own way. She was responsive and actively played with us, repeated motions, and remembered where things were and what to do with them. She absolutely loved looking at herself in the mirror, and my phone was a huge hit. She definitely has some coordination issues and her gait is not centered and even. She started to cry for a couple of seconds in the beginning. I thought that was good. I thought she was showing appropriate emotion. This had to be weird for her - -two strange people looking and acting strange with her in a room without anyone else that she knew. I bet I would want to cry.
We took her back to her class after she finished eating her banana by herself. She had some on her hands, but she went over to Valerie who was holding the tissues in between bites and wiped her hands and face. We put her coat on her and she helped us put our coats on too. It was really cute. She knew that there was a zipper that needed to be zipped and even some buttons to fasten. We dropped her off and she hugged us and smiled a huge smile and waved dasvidaniya. We will see her tomorrow.
It all seemed so encouraging until I began to think about other causes of the symptoms. I was so encouraged that she did not have the symptoms of the things we were told she was afflicted with that I totally missed evaluating for other disease processes. Let me be clear here, I am just a dumb dentist. I am not equipped to diagnose neurological problems. It is almost midnight as I type this, and we have had an emotionally trying day. I am leaning toward a diagnosis. I think I have it figured out but I am just the dentist. Lord, God, please help us to make the decision that is right for our family and for Viktoria. Please allow us to make the right decisions for the right reasons. Amen. and good night
Viktoria in Berdychiv
We have successfully moved to another region. We are now in Berdychiv in the Zhytomir region. We left Kiev at 7:15am and travelled 180 km to Berdychiv. We went directly to the local social workers office. Berdychiv is a smaller, less populated and less modern area than Kiev. The social workers office looked a lot like an older, 1960-1970 elementary school... particularly the principle's office. I spent some time there as a kid in the 70's so I guess that is why I am reminded of that. There was a woman in an office who then was joined by a man. Neither one of them spoke to us, other than to say something that appeared to be like good morning. Our interpreter/advocate (Koystya) talked with them for 30 seconds and the female social worker put on her coat and we headed out. She looked a lot like Little Red Riding Hood in the Shrek movie and video game. She was young and cute carrying her purse and I expected that she would start throwing apples from her "basket" at any moment. We walked, briskly... everyone appears to walk very fast here. Maybe we are just fat and slow. The social worker got in the van in the front seat with the driver and Koystya -- all three in the front seat. There was an entire row behind us. There are many cultural differences that simply make Valerie and I smile and shrug. When I say we went directly to the orphanage, what I mean is, they (the three of them) consulted amongst themselves and their smart phones and a gentleman who was walking by on the dirt road, and we made our way to the orphanage "directly".
We walked through a large dirt field with some old deteriorating buildings on either side. This was the orphanage grounds. There were no children out playing, but there was/is a playground. Actually, there were a few play areas with little things for kids to do. We learned later that they try to take the children out twice a day, but if it is raining or snowing or "too chilly" then they will keep them inside. We went inside and the only two people that we saw appeared to be a handyman or janitor of sorts and a cleaning lady... or so they appeared. Koystya knocked and entered "the office". We were ushered in and greeted by the director. She and Koystya talked Russian for a bit. Then another lady walked in. We were told that this lady was the "speech therapist". So, the Director, the speech therapist, Little Red Riding Hood, Koystya and Valerie and I were all in this office. They asked us the basic small talk type of questions that we have come to believe are "normal". Also, "normal" is showing our passports. They asked us why we wanted to adopt, especially since we already have three children. Then they began to tell us about Viktoria. The Director read from her file and the speech therapist gave her opinion about her behavior and development. They informed us that Viktoria was a "cutie pie", but. From there, there was a list of but... We learned their opinion about all sorts of things.
I had done some reading about different conditions that would be consistent with the information we were given previously. I "researched" several things that would produce the symptoms that MIGHT lead them to the "diagnosis" that we were given for her. So, I began to ask them questions that would help me to know if she might have one of those conditions. After a few questions the director showed some concern that maybe they should not even show us the child if we had so many concerns about her medical condition.
I will add to this. right now we are leaving to go visit with her again for an hour. More later.
OK...OK... We are back.
So, the information that they initially gave us as to her medical history was all wrong. After meeting Viktoria at the very first second, she gave us a big smile. She gave me a hug and sat up in my lap. The "research" that I had done on the medical diagnosis codes that we were given pointed to agnosia and/or aprosodia -- neurological conditions that are characterized by the inability to express or perceive emotion, body language, intonation. The director had told us that she lacked emotion. At our meeting, when asked directly, they told us that she did smile, but not at the appropriate times. Just a meaningless smile. Well, that is a total crock. After 30 seconds, she would smile and laugh in response to our smiles and tickles and bouncing on my knee. They also informed us that she did not make sounds, except when she would cry. But we found that she did make sounds and she was certainly able to hear and was clearly inquisitive about her surroundings and the people. It was encouraging. Viktoria took our hands and walked us down the hallway. She put out her hands for us to pick her up and play with her. We walked and talked with her (talked to her) for about 30 minutes, then we were asked to make some sort of a decision. Three choices:
1. Tell them we are not interested (three other couples have visited her and declined)
2. Ask for more time with her. We are able to visit for an hour to 1.5 hours twice a day at specific times.
3. Ask to begin the adoption process
The man at the social workers office informed us (through Koystya) that the orphanage will often make the conditions seem worse to discourage adoption, so that they will not lose the funding for one less child... so, some of the pieces started to make more sense.
We chose option number two. We secured a hotel room for about $25 per night that is a five minute walk to the orphanage. We will visit her twice a day. She is very sweet. We went to visit her after her nap today. We spent from 4:30 to 5:30 just interacting and playing with her. I took some pictures and a couple of videos. It was a sweet time. In the next blog I will share those pics and maybe I can figure out if it is possible to post a video. And I will update you on our thoughts. *** I have to keep my thoughts segmented or this will all sound like a jumbled mess. There is a lot going on in our heads and hearts. We are emotionally drained. ***
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Thought I would share with you a little of the "daily life" here in the Ukraine.
Our apartment is on floor six. The first day we took the elevator -which fit Jeff and I snugly. The elevator proceeded upward with a schreeching noise and a couple of clunks, so we now refer to it as the "box of death". We then decided to take the stairs, not really because we are afraid, but more for exercise -the food here is really delicious!! So, 10 flights up, 10 flights down - multiple times a day should help keep the chocolate gooey sugar cookie thing from sticking, right? This is the restaurant that has the ooey, gooey chocolate thing!!
Since I tried to pack light I thought I would try to tackle the washing machine today. And... can I first mention, I am Super Grateful for a washing machine at all!!! The instructions are all in Russian, so you know me, I just started pushing buttons. The tiny washing machine (enough to fit 2 pairs of Jeffs jeans and a sweat shirt) did a fabulous job and the clothes smell way better than when they went in :)The washing machine is in the bathroom, because that is where there is plumbing. Then out to hang dry by the balcony door. The weather here has been in hovering around 50 and has been beautiful - nice and crisp. Lets hope the clothes get dry before we pack tomorrow morning.
We travel to the "market" at least twice a day to pick up something, water, tissues, laundry detergent, bananas, you name it. Apparently this is the "norm" in this country. The food does not have additives or preservatives so they go to the grocery once or twice a day.
As in most large cities, people are walking everywhere. There is a bus, a metro and taxis if it is too far to take public transportation. This picture was taken out of our balcony window. The buildings are beautiful but most are "under construction". Renovations are being done to some because of their age and others have "covers" over them - these were the buildings that 2 years ago when Russia sent in "little green men" to handle a protest between the Ukrainian President (siding with Putin) and the people, the buildings were burned. These peaceful protests got out of hand and over 100 people were either shot by a sniper in the streets, gunned down, or beat to death. The pictures of the people killed are now displayed up a street that is about a 3 minute walk from our hotel. Why were the Russians here? It seems to be a topic of discussion among the Ukrainians. Alright, enough of the history lesson.
It has been amazing to me how different the culture can be but also how similar - at the same time. We might do things differently, like laundry and grocery shopping, but people are people (anyone singing the 80's hit?). They try to help us order food at the local restaurant, they try to help us check out at the local market - they are people, created by God in His image and He loves them all. They are just trying to find their way in this world. Trying to figure out their purpose. Alright, enough of the philosophy lesson!
Tomorrow morning we pack up and leave the city of Kiev at 7am. Going to meet Victoria and see if she is the one God has for our family. Obedience, Faith, then back to obedience. I just always want to be in His will. Going with hands lifted to Him in praise for who He is.
I also want to share about our translator/ advocate and his family, but another day.
Dasvidaniya. To Him be ALL the Glory, Honor and Praise!!
Our apartment is on floor six. The first day we took the elevator -which fit Jeff and I snugly. The elevator proceeded upward with a schreeching noise and a couple of clunks, so we now refer to it as the "box of death". We then decided to take the stairs, not really because we are afraid, but more for exercise -the food here is really delicious!! So, 10 flights up, 10 flights down - multiple times a day should help keep the chocolate gooey sugar cookie thing from sticking, right? This is the restaurant that has the ooey, gooey chocolate thing!!
Since I tried to pack light I thought I would try to tackle the washing machine today. And... can I first mention, I am Super Grateful for a washing machine at all!!! The instructions are all in Russian, so you know me, I just started pushing buttons. The tiny washing machine (enough to fit 2 pairs of Jeffs jeans and a sweat shirt) did a fabulous job and the clothes smell way better than when they went in :)The washing machine is in the bathroom, because that is where there is plumbing. Then out to hang dry by the balcony door. The weather here has been in hovering around 50 and has been beautiful - nice and crisp. Lets hope the clothes get dry before we pack tomorrow morning.
We travel to the "market" at least twice a day to pick up something, water, tissues, laundry detergent, bananas, you name it. Apparently this is the "norm" in this country. The food does not have additives or preservatives so they go to the grocery once or twice a day.
As in most large cities, people are walking everywhere. There is a bus, a metro and taxis if it is too far to take public transportation. This picture was taken out of our balcony window. The buildings are beautiful but most are "under construction". Renovations are being done to some because of their age and others have "covers" over them - these were the buildings that 2 years ago when Russia sent in "little green men" to handle a protest between the Ukrainian President (siding with Putin) and the people, the buildings were burned. These peaceful protests got out of hand and over 100 people were either shot by a sniper in the streets, gunned down, or beat to death. The pictures of the people killed are now displayed up a street that is about a 3 minute walk from our hotel. Why were the Russians here? It seems to be a topic of discussion among the Ukrainians. Alright, enough of the history lesson.
It has been amazing to me how different the culture can be but also how similar - at the same time. We might do things differently, like laundry and grocery shopping, but people are people (anyone singing the 80's hit?). They try to help us order food at the local restaurant, they try to help us check out at the local market - they are people, created by God in His image and He loves them all. They are just trying to find their way in this world. Trying to figure out their purpose. Alright, enough of the philosophy lesson!Tomorrow morning we pack up and leave the city of Kiev at 7am. Going to meet Victoria and see if she is the one God has for our family. Obedience, Faith, then back to obedience. I just always want to be in His will. Going with hands lifted to Him in praise for who He is.
I also want to share about our translator/ advocate and his family, but another day.
Dasvidaniya. To Him be ALL the Glory, Honor and Praise!!
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Yesterday's post got a little long and I cut it a bit short. Truth is, I was more emotional than I wanted to be. This process has proven to be more emotional than I expected. When I say emotional, I do not mean that we are sad. There are so many emotions. Some of which I am not so sure I could even explain adequately with the written (typed) word. I am concerned that anyone who reads these posts may get the feeling that we are unhappy or depressed in some way. I hope that the "tone" does not "feel" that way. I am not sure if I can explain our feelings and emotions adequately, but since we received the email telling us that we have an appointment in Ukraine (here is where I need to be careful to speak for myself), I have felt anxiousness (not fear, not anxiety defined as a state of internal turmoil), but not anxious that we have an impending and imposing threat, but anxious for the process, anxious for our future, anxious about the uncertainty. Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
That is not really the anxious I am trying to describe. Anxious like excited, like you are starting a new job, one that you have been anticipating for some time. It is good... and strange.
I have felt that strange feeling you get when you first begin dating someone you really like and you "hit it off". But I have also felt that feeling you get when you are waiting for that person to call you after you have been out on a couple of dates. You are watching the phone. You may even pick it up a few times to make sure you have a dial tone. You want to dial his/her number to just make sure the "line is open". You younger people may have no clue what I am talking about... maybe you go on Facebook or something to see if they are online, check your internet connection to make sure you are online, but the anticipation is what I am trying to convey.
I have felt frustration. Frustration stemming from a lack of control.
I have felt inadequate.
I have felt insignificant.
I have felt minuscule.
I have felt selfish, self-absorbed, self-involved, egocentric, egomaniacal, self-seeking and self-serving.
But I have also felt peaceful, joyful, calm, relaxed, fortunate, light-hearted, content.
I do not mean this to appear like a thesaurus, simply a laundry list of the gamut of emotions that have and continue to rush through me. They are continuously congruent and complimentary and at the same time contradictory. Picture the familiar angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other shoulder analogy. One one hand I have self and on the other hand I have The Lord. On my own I am not capable, but when I give up trying to control everything, He makes me more than capable. So, the human emotion, then a release of control, then another set of emotions as God provides for me what I need, then another set of emotions as I realize that I should have just let Him handle it in the first place. I know... I know... it sounds a bit schizophrenic. Well, that is how one might imagine that it feels.
So, anyway, I got a good nights sleep and have very little to do today. I am feeling much better, emotionally -- not that I can express myself very well either way, but I have a clearer head to allow for some better explanation about what is happening here.''
Tomorrow we will be headed to Berdychiv (in the lower left) from Kiev (in the upper right) see the map below.
It should prove interesting. I will keep you informed.
Meanwhile, the food here is so good. We have had some really great meals. This was my pie for lunch yesterday.
It cost all of like two dollars. Here is Valerie's lunch pie:
I am not sure you will be able to see these pictures, so I will stop here and "test" to see if they are showing up. Thank you all for your continued prayers. God is good! All the time!
Ok... so it looks like I figured out how to get a picture or two in here, so here is the picture of the nondescript SDA building I mentioned yesterday:
and the stairwell inside:
More pictures later. Oh wait... let me show you the map of where we are and where we are going:
That is not really the anxious I am trying to describe. Anxious like excited, like you are starting a new job, one that you have been anticipating for some time. It is good... and strange.
I have felt that strange feeling you get when you first begin dating someone you really like and you "hit it off". But I have also felt that feeling you get when you are waiting for that person to call you after you have been out on a couple of dates. You are watching the phone. You may even pick it up a few times to make sure you have a dial tone. You want to dial his/her number to just make sure the "line is open". You younger people may have no clue what I am talking about... maybe you go on Facebook or something to see if they are online, check your internet connection to make sure you are online, but the anticipation is what I am trying to convey.
I have felt frustration. Frustration stemming from a lack of control.
I have felt inadequate.
I have felt insignificant.
I have felt minuscule.
I have felt selfish, self-absorbed, self-involved, egocentric, egomaniacal, self-seeking and self-serving.
But I have also felt peaceful, joyful, calm, relaxed, fortunate, light-hearted, content.
I do not mean this to appear like a thesaurus, simply a laundry list of the gamut of emotions that have and continue to rush through me. They are continuously congruent and complimentary and at the same time contradictory. Picture the familiar angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other shoulder analogy. One one hand I have self and on the other hand I have The Lord. On my own I am not capable, but when I give up trying to control everything, He makes me more than capable. So, the human emotion, then a release of control, then another set of emotions as God provides for me what I need, then another set of emotions as I realize that I should have just let Him handle it in the first place. I know... I know... it sounds a bit schizophrenic. Well, that is how one might imagine that it feels.
So, anyway, I got a good nights sleep and have very little to do today. I am feeling much better, emotionally -- not that I can express myself very well either way, but I have a clearer head to allow for some better explanation about what is happening here.''
Tomorrow we will be headed to Berdychiv (in the lower left) from Kiev (in the upper right) see the map below.
It should prove interesting. I will keep you informed.
Meanwhile, the food here is so good. We have had some really great meals. This was my pie for lunch yesterday.
I am not sure you will be able to see these pictures, so I will stop here and "test" to see if they are showing up. Thank you all for your continued prayers. God is good! All the time!
Ok... so it looks like I figured out how to get a picture or two in here, so here is the picture of the nondescript SDA building I mentioned yesterday:
and the stairwell inside:
More pictures later. Oh wait... let me show you the map of where we are and where we are going:
Today we met with the SDA.
I am trying to decide if I should make this a detailed post discussing the process and our feelings or if I should simply "hit the highlights". For those High D (driver) personalities, I will hit the highlights first and then you (and you know who you are) can stop reading. The rest of you who are interested can read on.
We met with the SDA
We had folders for 8 or so children to look at, with breif medical histories, a couple of photos and a brief family history.
We chose to accept a referral to meet a girl who is 5 or 6. Her Ukrainian name is Viktoria. (sp?)
We will pick up the paperwork on Thursday and travel 2.5hrs to the region where the orphanage is located and meet her and meet with her doctors on Friday or Monday (it depends on the working hours of the local government agencies and the orphanage).
From there we will just have to see where the Lord leads us.
High D's can move on now. Thank you for dropping in. God bless you.
For the rest of you...
Question: Do we want a child or children that.... ___________(fill in the blank)___________.
Answer: Selfishly, yes we probably do.
Spiritually correct Answer: Lord we want what you want for us!
Today was not disappointing, but not what we expected. Right or wrong, we THOUGHT something other than what is/was reality. We inaccurately believed some things. We had an unrealistic vision.
Here was reality. We walked to the SDA ~ about 15min. walk. We arrived at an old, nondescript building with no signage, no insignia, no "official" markings. The side of a building had a wooden door with no number, no placard, no sign. It was open. there was an indoor stairwell where we waited for ~45min. with our interpreter/advocate. A woman came out and said something in Russian and we were ushered into a room then through that room into another room where there was a desk and a small table and an L-shaped couch and a wooden chair. We were asked to sit on the couch around the table, with hand gestures. The couch was way too low for me to be comfortable.
We had been coached that there would be some questions about our interest in adoption and our biological family, but these questions would serve the purpose of small talk to "break the ice". And the reality was, they were not so much interested in our answers, or so it appeared to me. We did not even get to the part about our children. We were then informed that we had a very narrow approval that would narrow the pool of children that we would have to choose from. We were not aware that the Ukraine does not allow for healthy international adoption of children under 5. We also were unaware that our approval was for a 1-2 children ages 0-6. We believed that we were approved for 1-2 children ages 3-8. That would have given us more options. That is a long story... maybe another day.
So, we were left with a 1 year window of children. This complicated matters as most, if not ALL of the children (folders) we were given to view were "special needs". Apparently Ukrainian people are culturally intolerant of special needs children, so the governmental agencies reserve the "healthy", younger children for the Ukrainian citizens who wish to adopt.
So, we looked at folders of children with Downs Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and Brain Damage... all of them. However we got here, we know that God has led us here at this moment, with this set of children for a reason. We do not know the reason, but we are certain that He has led us here. All of these children are God's children and deserving of love and a better life. This is not what we expected. This is not how we envisioned the process. We are not suggesting it is wrong or bad in any way, simply not what we expected. But no surprise to God.
We only had one hour to make some kind of a decision. So, we had three options and no more time. Choose an option, your time is almost up.
1. Apply for another invitation. Could be next week, could be in a few months. If next week, there MIGHT, POSSIBLY be some other options as it changes daily, or the options may be the same children or children with the same or similar disabilities.
2. Redo the paperwork and get approved for a larger pool of children from which to choose. i.e.. older children and/or a larger number of children to include sibling groups of 3 or more.
3. Choose a child and request a visit with the child at the orphanage where he/she is currently located and visit with some doctors that could explain the child's condition.
or I suppose we could have chosen to scrap the process and make arrangements to come home and forfeit all of the time and money that we have already spent and either start over domestically or with another country or scrap the adoption all together.
So, what do you choose?
We want to be obedient. We believe that God has led us here to this point for a reason. We are in Ukraine. We have cleared our schedules. We have made arrangements for the kids. We chose to go and visit a child.
We chose to visit a 5 or 6 yo girl. We were given a birthdate, but we cannot remember if she was born in 2010 or 2011, or if her birthday was in march or may or september. I wrote down her name... Viktoria or Victoria. It was written in Russian. It looked much like this to me %&^(^%&*@&^%$.
We saw three pictures of her. In one, she looked much like Valerie when she was 5 or 6 years old. Blonde hair, thin, standing in that all-to-familiar 1970's kid pose with the living room drapes as a backdrop (the same backdrop most every picture was taken in front of). The only difference was Viktoria was not smiling. She was not smiling in any of the three pictures. (pictures were roughly age 1, age 2 or 3 and somewhat current 5-6). Not smiling at 1 is maybe expected. Not smiling at 2-3 maybe common. Not smiling at any of them, could be a concern... possibly.... given the medical history.
She was diagnosed F70, F88, G93.9, and "flat feet".
F70 -- mentally delayed and/or moderately low i.q.
apparently most, if not all of these kids get this diagnosis
F88 -- mental deficiency of an emotional nature
she does not speak
G93.9 -- brain damage of a non traumatic nature of unknown cause or origin.
M21.4 -- flat foot
basically, she does not speak and does not show the emotion that presumably her peers are showing. There are many difficulties with this "diagnosis". How and when did they arrive at this diagnosis? What were the tests and criteria? We don't know. There are many unanswered questions. Including how do we feel about this? What does God want us to do? In short, we will figure it out, and make decisions.
This is very long and there is potentially much more to be asked and said. I think I will leave it here for now. We will continue to pray through this and we will remain open to the leading of The Holy Spirit. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
I am trying to decide if I should make this a detailed post discussing the process and our feelings or if I should simply "hit the highlights". For those High D (driver) personalities, I will hit the highlights first and then you (and you know who you are) can stop reading. The rest of you who are interested can read on.
We met with the SDA
We had folders for 8 or so children to look at, with breif medical histories, a couple of photos and a brief family history.
We chose to accept a referral to meet a girl who is 5 or 6. Her Ukrainian name is Viktoria. (sp?)
We will pick up the paperwork on Thursday and travel 2.5hrs to the region where the orphanage is located and meet her and meet with her doctors on Friday or Monday (it depends on the working hours of the local government agencies and the orphanage).
From there we will just have to see where the Lord leads us.
High D's can move on now. Thank you for dropping in. God bless you.
For the rest of you...
Question: Do we want a child or children that.... ___________(fill in the blank)___________.
Answer: Selfishly, yes we probably do.
Spiritually correct Answer: Lord we want what you want for us!
Today was not disappointing, but not what we expected. Right or wrong, we THOUGHT something other than what is/was reality. We inaccurately believed some things. We had an unrealistic vision.
Here was reality. We walked to the SDA ~ about 15min. walk. We arrived at an old, nondescript building with no signage, no insignia, no "official" markings. The side of a building had a wooden door with no number, no placard, no sign. It was open. there was an indoor stairwell where we waited for ~45min. with our interpreter/advocate. A woman came out and said something in Russian and we were ushered into a room then through that room into another room where there was a desk and a small table and an L-shaped couch and a wooden chair. We were asked to sit on the couch around the table, with hand gestures. The couch was way too low for me to be comfortable.
We had been coached that there would be some questions about our interest in adoption and our biological family, but these questions would serve the purpose of small talk to "break the ice". And the reality was, they were not so much interested in our answers, or so it appeared to me. We did not even get to the part about our children. We were then informed that we had a very narrow approval that would narrow the pool of children that we would have to choose from. We were not aware that the Ukraine does not allow for healthy international adoption of children under 5. We also were unaware that our approval was for a 1-2 children ages 0-6. We believed that we were approved for 1-2 children ages 3-8. That would have given us more options. That is a long story... maybe another day.
So, we were left with a 1 year window of children. This complicated matters as most, if not ALL of the children (folders) we were given to view were "special needs". Apparently Ukrainian people are culturally intolerant of special needs children, so the governmental agencies reserve the "healthy", younger children for the Ukrainian citizens who wish to adopt.
So, we looked at folders of children with Downs Syndrome, Cerebral Palsy, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and Brain Damage... all of them. However we got here, we know that God has led us here at this moment, with this set of children for a reason. We do not know the reason, but we are certain that He has led us here. All of these children are God's children and deserving of love and a better life. This is not what we expected. This is not how we envisioned the process. We are not suggesting it is wrong or bad in any way, simply not what we expected. But no surprise to God.
We only had one hour to make some kind of a decision. So, we had three options and no more time. Choose an option, your time is almost up.
1. Apply for another invitation. Could be next week, could be in a few months. If next week, there MIGHT, POSSIBLY be some other options as it changes daily, or the options may be the same children or children with the same or similar disabilities.
2. Redo the paperwork and get approved for a larger pool of children from which to choose. i.e.. older children and/or a larger number of children to include sibling groups of 3 or more.
3. Choose a child and request a visit with the child at the orphanage where he/she is currently located and visit with some doctors that could explain the child's condition.
or I suppose we could have chosen to scrap the process and make arrangements to come home and forfeit all of the time and money that we have already spent and either start over domestically or with another country or scrap the adoption all together.
So, what do you choose?
We want to be obedient. We believe that God has led us here to this point for a reason. We are in Ukraine. We have cleared our schedules. We have made arrangements for the kids. We chose to go and visit a child.
We chose to visit a 5 or 6 yo girl. We were given a birthdate, but we cannot remember if she was born in 2010 or 2011, or if her birthday was in march or may or september. I wrote down her name... Viktoria or Victoria. It was written in Russian. It looked much like this to me %&^(^%&*@&^%$.
We saw three pictures of her. In one, she looked much like Valerie when she was 5 or 6 years old. Blonde hair, thin, standing in that all-to-familiar 1970's kid pose with the living room drapes as a backdrop (the same backdrop most every picture was taken in front of). The only difference was Viktoria was not smiling. She was not smiling in any of the three pictures. (pictures were roughly age 1, age 2 or 3 and somewhat current 5-6). Not smiling at 1 is maybe expected. Not smiling at 2-3 maybe common. Not smiling at any of them, could be a concern... possibly.... given the medical history.
She was diagnosed F70, F88, G93.9, and "flat feet".
F70 -- mentally delayed and/or moderately low i.q.
apparently most, if not all of these kids get this diagnosis
F88 -- mental deficiency of an emotional nature
she does not speak
G93.9 -- brain damage of a non traumatic nature of unknown cause or origin.
M21.4 -- flat foot
basically, she does not speak and does not show the emotion that presumably her peers are showing. There are many difficulties with this "diagnosis". How and when did they arrive at this diagnosis? What were the tests and criteria? We don't know. There are many unanswered questions. Including how do we feel about this? What does God want us to do? In short, we will figure it out, and make decisions.
This is very long and there is potentially much more to be asked and said. I think I will leave it here for now. We will continue to pray through this and we will remain open to the leading of The Holy Spirit. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Every cloud has a silver lining. The time change +7 hrs is very difficult. We desperately tried to go to sleep last night. It was a bit after 3am when we had any level of success. It is/was not because we are nervous or afraid, but simply because our bodies were telling us it was only 8:00pm. Our minds were aware that it was 3:00am local time and we needed to get some rest because we have an appointment in a just a few hours. But alas, we were unsuccessful. The silver lining here was time to pray. Valerie and I did not discuss it last night (this morning), but I know that I prayed for several hours. I know she read her bible for hours. I am certain that she spent time in prayer there as well. Personally, my prayers were very peaceful. They did not help me sleep, but then I was not praying for sleep. I think we are both (she is still sleeping, so I am simply guessing as to what she thinks) now prepared adequately to accept God's decision in this process.... One child? Two? None? Girl? Two boys? Our God is faithful and just, has a perfect plan for us and we are ready and willing to accept His will. Thank you Lord for the silver! Here I am Lord, send me!
Tomorrow is the "big day". We have our appointment with the Ukrainian governmental adoption agency (SDA) in the morning 10:00. That would be 3:00 am for y'all on the east coast EST. we spent the day today walking the streets of Kiev Ukraine. We were basically being tourists, but our interpreter/adoption advocate (that is my term). He is basically the guy who facilitates the legal and logistic aspects of the adoption. He and his lovely family were with us being excellent hosts. We learned a lot about Ukraine and the recent Russian invasion, government meltdown, etc. we also learned a bit about the adoption process here. I will give you a brief explanation of how this works and hopefully you can pray more specifically for the process.
Currently in Ukraine they do not allow the prospective adopting families to meet and choose a child prior to coming to the country. The adopting families are given an invitation (appointment) because the paperwork was approved. At the appointment they will either tell us that there are no children that meet our criteria (it is a possibility) or here is the information for the child or children that do meet your criteria -- you have one hour to make a decision. If they do not have a child for us, or we are not willing to accept the child or children they have given us to choose from, then we have the option of applying for another appointment. This appointment could be 7 days - several weeks away (months?) depending on the number of adopting families waiting. We would have some decisions to make.
In the best case scenario, they have available children to choose from and it is abundantly clear which one or ones God has prepared for us. Then we would make a decision and go to the region to visit the child(ren).
We fully believe that God has led us to this country to adopt a child or children. We fully believe that God has orchestrated this journey EXACTLY as He has planned it to work for the good of all and His kingdom. There have been multiple times in the process up to now where we have considered quitting and He has shown us that we need only to be obedient and patient. His timing is perfect. His plan is perfect. We will trust in Him during this part of the process also. We may have decisions, difficult decisions to make, but we will trust in Him.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
Currently in Ukraine they do not allow the prospective adopting families to meet and choose a child prior to coming to the country. The adopting families are given an invitation (appointment) because the paperwork was approved. At the appointment they will either tell us that there are no children that meet our criteria (it is a possibility) or here is the information for the child or children that do meet your criteria -- you have one hour to make a decision. If they do not have a child for us, or we are not willing to accept the child or children they have given us to choose from, then we have the option of applying for another appointment. This appointment could be 7 days - several weeks away (months?) depending on the number of adopting families waiting. We would have some decisions to make.
In the best case scenario, they have available children to choose from and it is abundantly clear which one or ones God has prepared for us. Then we would make a decision and go to the region to visit the child(ren).
We fully believe that God has led us to this country to adopt a child or children. We fully believe that God has orchestrated this journey EXACTLY as He has planned it to work for the good of all and His kingdom. There have been multiple times in the process up to now where we have considered quitting and He has shown us that we need only to be obedient and patient. His timing is perfect. His plan is perfect. We will trust in Him during this part of the process also. We may have decisions, difficult decisions to make, but we will trust in Him.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3:5-6
Please pray that God's will be done. If it be His will, pray that there IS a child or children available that DO meet our criteria, and that He make it clear which child or children we should choose. Valerie has been praying that the page of the child God has chosen for us will glow visibly so that we will know. We believe that He can make that happen, but we will be glad to see any sign that helps us make the right decisions and remain in His will.
Thank you Lord!
Monday, March 7, 2016
Maybe some of you remember when you were having your first child. Do you remember that every commercial on television, every movie, every sitcom, every magazine article, every book seemed to be about babies or pregnancy or diapers? Remember when you bought a new car (or at least new to you) and every other car you saw was the same car? It seems that these images are all around us, but we choose to ignore them most of the time and we seem to focus on them when we are in the midst of a situation. Yesterday we traveled all night and day 19 hours to Kiev Ukraine. We flew to Atlanta. That was easy. We then flew to Amsterdam. 8 hours of sitting in one spot. It was late at night, but we were traveling east and chasing the sun so it go a little weird. I watched two movies on the plane until I fell asleep during one of them. We were served a snack, dinner, breakfast and a snack. Our bodies had no idea what was happening and our minds were so confused and sleep deprived that we simply ate whatever it was without knowing what day or time it was. I do not look forward to the trip home. Then we flew from Amsterdam to Kiev, another 2 hr 45 min. As we landed in Kiev is was grey, overcast and a little dreary. In the clouds however, there was one vertical break and one horizontal break where the sun shone through. It was in the form of the cross. No other breaks in the clouds. He sun was not shining through anyplace else. It appeared as if no one else had seen this, as if it was meant for all of us, but no one was noticing. How many signs of God's love and presence do we miss on a daily basis I because we are focused on the wrong things? This was a sobering thought for me. When I focus my attention on Him... He is there. But even further, He is there anyway, as if longing for me to notice. Wow!
We are in Ukraine we have met with our interpreter. He is such a nice man. I am not sure if this picture will show up, but here is our view from our apartment.
More later.
We are in Ukraine we have met with our interpreter. He is such a nice man. I am not sure if this picture will show up, but here is our view from our apartment.
More later.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
We are in the airport in Tampa about to board for our first flight of three to Ukraine. We have had an outpouring of love and support from our brothers and sisters in Christ! It has been truly incredible. We are so thankful for all of our friends and family that are willing, even anxious to help us. We are thankful for our three biological children that we are blessed to watch grow up -- all too quickly. We are confident and comfortable that they will be perfectly fine whir we are away. They are a huge help to us in our everyday lives. We know they will be a support to each other and to their caregivers (family and friends). We are blessed. Thank you Lord Jesus.
The quote of the evening from Valerie that will sum up our thoughts and feelings at this moment... "I miss my little people already."
God bless them and keep them happy, healthy and safe. We will be home soon!
The quote of the evening from Valerie that will sum up our thoughts and feelings at this moment... "I miss my little people already."
God bless them and keep them happy, healthy and safe. We will be home soon!
Saturday, March 5, 2016
He lives in the hearts of those who trust Him.
Yesterday I had the privilege of being surrounded by a group of women that clearly, without reservation, undeniably, trust Him. We met so that they could lay hands on me and send me on this journey knowing that my family and I are not alone - the body of Christ is with us, supporting us in ANY way we need. As we sat and discussed the schedule of this journey, the details of childcare for our children here in the US and the things needed for travel, the power of the Holy Spirit was evident. All of the sudden there were meals being planned to take the burden off my Mom (Grandma) and Jeffs Dad (Papa). Shopping was being planned and money collected so that the ladies at the orphanage could have fuzzy socks, lip gloss and perfume. Needs were being met that I wasn't even aware of!! These chicks were from every denomination and every generation - truly the Church of Jesus!! The love for Jesus was palpable. His love pouring out of these women was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I was surrounded by Jesus living in their hearts. It is a morning that I will cherish. It is another moment that I have to look back on when I am struggling with unbelief, having anxiety over His plan and being ungrateful - so that I will shift my focus back to what He has done and what He is doing in my life and the lives of others. When I say I am grateful for these women and their Faith in the One who is Able its an understatement.
Only one more sleep until we leave.
Yesterday I had the privilege of being surrounded by a group of women that clearly, without reservation, undeniably, trust Him. We met so that they could lay hands on me and send me on this journey knowing that my family and I are not alone - the body of Christ is with us, supporting us in ANY way we need. As we sat and discussed the schedule of this journey, the details of childcare for our children here in the US and the things needed for travel, the power of the Holy Spirit was evident. All of the sudden there were meals being planned to take the burden off my Mom (Grandma) and Jeffs Dad (Papa). Shopping was being planned and money collected so that the ladies at the orphanage could have fuzzy socks, lip gloss and perfume. Needs were being met that I wasn't even aware of!! These chicks were from every denomination and every generation - truly the Church of Jesus!! The love for Jesus was palpable. His love pouring out of these women was unlike anything I have ever experienced before. I was surrounded by Jesus living in their hearts. It is a morning that I will cherish. It is another moment that I have to look back on when I am struggling with unbelief, having anxiety over His plan and being ungrateful - so that I will shift my focus back to what He has done and what He is doing in my life and the lives of others. When I say I am grateful for these women and their Faith in the One who is Able its an understatement.
Only one more sleep until we leave.
Today, as we prepare to leave on the first leg of our trip, I ask for prayer... from you... for us. As I mentioned earlier, we are not afraid. We trust in Him. We are asking for prayer for the ability to make the right decisions. Below are some terrible statistics. Statistics that paint a small part of the picture of what we will encounter. I humbly request your prayers that we will choose the right child or children. I ask that you pray that God will make it very clear to us which child or children He has prepared for us. I envision a sea of little faces, each of them deserving of a better life. Each wonderful in their own way. How can we possibly choose one or two on our own? And what criteria would we be using? I would have thought that I would have a better chance of being chosen from a line up myself than to have to choose a child from one. Please pray for our decision and pray for the child or children. THANK YOU!
Consequences of being raised in an institution
Only 16% of orphanage graduates have families
Only 25% of orphanage graduates have stable employment
Only 1% of orphanage graduates obtain higher education (University)
Only 44% of orphanage graduates receive some kind of technical training (completion)
What are children afraid of when they graduate from the orphanage?
76% of children are afraid to leave their institution
70 % believe that they will not be able to get a good education and obtain the profession of their dream
52 % are afraid that they will not have a place to live
54 % are afraid that they will not have enough money for transport, food, and other necessities.
50% think that they will not be able to find a job
30% are afraid that they will remain alone and have no support
27% are afraid they will succumb to bad influences
26% are afraid of the negative attitudes towards themselves in comparison to “home” children
10% are afraid to live with strangers (even if they are their relatives)
18% have no clue what it is to live independently
Each day 38,493 orphans age out of the orphanage system
Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out of their orphanage with no family to go to and no place to call home
In Ukraine studies have shown that 10% – 15% of these children commit suicide before they reach age eighteen
These same studies also show that 60% of the girls become prostitutes and 70% of the boys become hardened criminals
An estimated 15,000 orphans are aging out of state-run institutions every year:
10% of these orphans committed suicide, 5,000 were unemployed, 6,000 were homeless and 3,000 were in prison within three years
Every year, more than 2,000 mothers abandon their babies in maternity hospitals. Between 6 and 7 thousand more are abandoned at an older age or removed from home due to crime or neglect.
* Many social orphans have experienced abuse and violence from parents who were drug addicts or alcoholics.
* Orphans typically grow up in large state-run homes, which may house over 200 children.
* Many children run away from these homes, preferring to live on the street.
* Children usually graduate from these institutions between 15 and 16 years old and are turned out, unprepared for life outside the home.
* About 10% of them will commit suicide after leaving the orphanage before their 18th birthday.
* 60% of the girls will end up in prostitution. Those who run prostitution rings target orphaned girls, who are especially vulnerable due to their lack of options and lack of people who care what happens to them. Though promised good jobs, they end up on the streets and brothels of cities across Europe.
* 70% of the boys will enter a life of crime.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=reTJ_28J6K0
Friday, March 4, 2016
I have heard it said that there are 365 verses in the Bible that state in one form or another, don't worry -- one for every day of the year. Great concept. I do not believe that is true, but the meaning is certainly true. We have no reason to worry.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Philippians 4:6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
John, 1 John, 2 Timothy, Proverbs, there are many, for sure.
Fear, as I understand it is one of Satan's most popular weapons the uses against us. Worry and anxiety and fear seep into our minds and take our focus off of our Mighty God who is in control. Of course, most of the things that we fear and spend our time worrying about never even happen, yet these things can control us, give us panic attacks, make us sad or depressed, even create illness.
I have read that stress is a choice. Is it possible that fear and worry are also a choice? As it relates to this adoption process for us, I find that I am not afraid. I feel like this is God's will and we are simply following Him. He has a plan for us and we are fully trusting Him with the details. We are choosing not to allow fear and anxiety to control our lives. We are choosing to guard our hearts. We are choosing to focus our minds on the Truth.
There are still some anxieties that creep in, but at those moments we become aware that God is with us and although we may not be in control, we trust the One who is. We do not know the future, but we do know the God who does.
Now the part that I personally have to reconcile is excitement and joy. Maybe that will be the next topic.
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